shit-faced.
a word to describe a state of being in which you dont exactly know where you are, what youre doing, or how you got in your current state of being.
my problem? i am terrrible with this. not remember doing something that could seriously injure you is bad enough. but when you dont remember how much you drank and suddenly everyone around you thinks you have alcohol poisoning? yeah, NOT a good thing. not good AT ALL. but hey, i finally got to experience the thing that i was most excited about with high school: drinking parties.
too bad i pregamed four hours early. and too bad i drank on an empty stomach. and too bad i am a fucking lightweight. sometimes i really do wish i could just stop and i was the nieve girl that everyone thought was a sweetie pie. on the other hand, though, this is the lifestyle that most people love. crazy drunken nights. not remembering what happened. cleaning up and laughing about everything. meeting random people. its all good. right? wrong. when you almost get alcohol poisoning on your first party you need to s l o w d o w n .
but nothing much you can do now. i already have the next two weekends filled with drinking. perfect; huh?
the fact of the matter is, i really want to stop drinking. this way of life has swallowed me whole. and by suprise. i dont understand how you cope with all the insanity and every minute im thinknig about how i am going to have to work even harder to focus at school.
drinking at age fourteen? COME ON. thats not a good way to start. at all.
and this is not a good way to end a blog either.
but heres the bottom line:;:

as much as i would like to quit drinking...
im not going to be able to and im going to keep going
until at one point i am screeeched to a hault.

god speed to me.